Wednesday, the 18th of December 2024
New Theory you guys.
Captain What?
What if God and Lucifer are actually in love?
Lucifer Elaborate.
We assume they are at constant war and thereby we explain the war in this world with the theory that even God is constantly at war but it doesn’t make sense.
Lucifer Why doesn’t it make sense?
Because they would be more powerful if they work together. Imagine angels and demons in love, sounds like a dream.
Lucifer No comment.
It`s Tuesday we sit in a bar in Berlin, I light my cigarette on a candle, I feel incomplete, like a part of me is lost. I don`t understand why.
Why do I have these visions if they never come true?
Captain You tell me.
Maybe I am schizophrenic?
Lucifer Didn`t your mom got you tested on that?
Not a very good sign if you ask me.
Captain Maybe you are just impatient.
A stinging pain in my chest, I let my eyes wander over the room to disassociate, staring blankly in the candle I wonder
Why do I feel like this?
Captain Because you have feelings.
Why do I keep on waiting for someone that won`t even arrive?
Captain How do you know they won`t arrive?
I am so angry right now.
Captain What makes you angry?
This feeling. This fucking Ping Pong all the time, noodles no noodles. I decide and go Noodles move on, no noodles, stuck back. I`m happy, I´m sad, I want to live but not like this, beating me from left to right this indecision is making me crazy, I don`t understand it, it`s like my brain don`t want me to be happy so I stay in my body. So, I never think and if I do I argue with my brain.
Lucifer Let it go if you want to.
I am tired so tired of being depressed, I am tired of picking up the pieces of me over and over again.
Lucifer Really? What else are you doing?
Working on making my dreams reality?
Lucifer Your dreams are empty.
Wow, thanks.
Lucifer I am literally reciting you.
Stop doing that I don`t like it.
Lucifer Practice what you preach, bitch.
Captain Chiara, look at me.
I look at the Captain
Captain Breathe. It will pass.
I feel empty. With blank eyes I stare in the candle Fuck I miss him so much.
Lucifer It will pass.
I physically can`t do it anymore.
Captain I will literally slap you across the face if you call him.
You can`t slap me, you are not a physical being.
Captain What did we learn from Kat?
That I have to meet him in love and that means allowing him the space that he needs while taking my own time to grow.
Captain What else?
That I split my personality according to my feelings that’s why everything feels so dramatic for me all the time. Because I forget that it will pass.
Captain See? Become one and life will feel easier, like breathing.
I am so goddamn angry.
Comment of my niece (she`s 1) I n c c dowtgfccfcftctddxxvxvxvccc cc ccfdsfxgg n cmnvs rsta6sa6tmjssxsxsfsxddrtsxny<nynabjmsahyjhssuszsausza cj
I think I am undeserving of love when I am not perfect.
Lucifer How virgo of you.
Captain What a bullshit you don`t have to do anything to deserve love. Love is free.
I bully myself into doing something so I can feel deserving of love instead of doing things out of a place of love. And if I can`t do them perfect immediately, I don`t do them.
Lucifer Your zodiac sign is so fitting.
Captain What are you gonna do with this internalized believe?
Imma stop believing in it, it`s fucking bullshit. Neither am I broken nor am I undeserving of love. I am full and complete just as I am, even if I don`t feel like it.
Captain That`s the spirit.
Imma relax, that`s what Imma do. Fuck my brain.
Lucifer Don`t fuck your brain.
Nah, I mean like, fuck this bitch she talks bullshit.
Brain with a heavy Italian accent Scusi Chiara, my job is to keep you alive and that is what I am doing.
And you are doing a great job, Brain.
Brain All that without any payment too, after this life your soul will live on, I will not! Dramatic voice change I will rot, like the chewing gum. Yet it was me who gave you the ability to write, to read. Still, you throw me away in the end, like I am worth nothing.
Hmm delicious brain chewing gum.
Brain Funny for you is it not?
You are such a Drama Lama.
Brain And you are a dumb lazy bitch who is useless opposing to her own wrong believes!
That doesn`t even make sense brain.
Brain I give you the ability to speak and you are so ungrateful.
Okay boomer.
Brain Take me seriously, won`t you? I am your life, respect me you little shit.
Why don`t we respect each other, wave the white flag, let go of pride and stop fighting. Both of our life’s will be easier if we simply forgive each other, hug it out (figuratively speaking), and practice working as a team.
Brain I have never done anything wrong, what would you have to forgive me for?
Of course, you have done something wrong otherwise you wouldn’t have such a victim complex.
Brain You can suck my ass.
Actually it`s my ass, smoke a cigarette Brain and calm down, no need to be this angry. Life ain`t that serious, you are hurting yourself fighting your feelings. Look, outside is a little bit of water.
Brain It`s beautiful.
It truly is. You like the piano music?
Brain I do, very calming. What`s that playlist?
Classy filets, quite good, right?
Brain Peace?
Peace.
Brain I`m sorry for being such a bitch.
I`m sorry too.
Brain Can you forgive me?
I don`t have to forgive you, you have to forgive yourself. It was not your fault.
Brain Whose fault, was it?
I shrug my shoulders Life. Welcome to the column brain.
Brain Thank you. My name is Giuseppe.
What a wonderful name Giuseppe. I am Chiara.
And thereby for a second, a minute, an hour, a lifetime I felt complete. I stare out of the window; life is quite nice. I don`t have to think about everything I am doing all the time, I can just do there is no need to take the thinking step in between and so I have written love stories, many of them too. I should be heart broken or letting him go, but all I feel when I think of him is this overwhelming love and wave of inspiration. The story is so beautiful too. Like life and death, like demons and angels, like God and lucifer.
Lucifer I am not in love with God.
How are things with your girlfriend?
Lucifer Oh, shut the fuck up.
“You” a short and intensive love story available here.
Hey, you guys want some Brezel?
Lucifer Oh, hell yes!
11th December 2024
Captain What are you doing Chiara?
High in my bed watching cartoons, eating cookies.
Captain That`s a fun Thursday evening activity.
Can you believe that next week, when I post this, I will be on my way back home?
Captain What do you remember?
How I was sitting in Frankfurt Airport with my face in the sun, writing my column on October 2nd.
Captain Stay in the presence.
This year was so fucking crazy, I don`t even know what happened. Who am I and who was that?
Captain You are the observer of your life.
Yeah, got it. But what does that mean?
Lucifer It means that you are not really there but also not really here.
What?
Lucifer I told you, your minds are too tiny to understand the concept of oneness.
Captain Stop it, she had a long day.
Lucifer Oh, was the day bed rotting too hard? Is it too exhausting to travel? Let me go look where I feel pity for her living my dream life.
What’s up with you?
Lucifer I am tired of you whining, while I am sinking in work here. Do you have any idea how busy the winter is for us? So many souls to pick up, I have four Gods helping me, yet still not enough. We are swamping in work.
Why don`t you just stop doing that and do something else?
Lucifer Do you want me to reincarnate, come back to earth and travel for a living?
Oh… long pause I don`t know about that.
Captain If Lucifer comes back, I come back too!
Where would you guys even go? Would you remember that you are God and Lucifer?
Lucifer San Francisco.
You wouldn’t last a day in San Francisco.
Captain I could do a day in New York and maybe a week on Boa Vista. But if I have to go to work for more than 24 days in a row, I will be defeated.
Yeah, that is definitely our all worst enemy.
Lucifer What is?
A day job.
Lucifer People tell you to get a Job a lot.
And I tell them to quit their Job and follow their dreams a lot. But we all don`t listen to each other here.
Captain You don`t?
Humans are creature of habit, we do what we have been doing the last years and set and repeat. You have to consciously break out of old cylces to change them and in oder to do that, you have to heal.
Lucifer Heal from what?
From the pain of this existence.
Lucifer So humans first break themselves just to fix themselves again?
Talking about Arbeitsbeschaffungsmaßnahmen.
Lucifer So what do you want to know?
How do I know if I am dreaming?
Captain How many fingers do you have?
5 on every hand.
Captain Put your thumb and index around your nose and tell me if you can breathe through it.
Cannot.
Captain So there you go; you are not dreaming.
Oh my god, I would die for a sandwich right now.
Captain That would indeed be very good.
I am kind of scared of tomorrow.
Captain Why?
I don`t know, I just am Captain. I don`t wonder why anymore.
Lucifer Predictable.
Or consistent.
Lucifer Okay miss coin flip.
Why are you so rude today?
Lucifer I`m going through something.
Well, what is it?
Lucifer My girlfriend broke up with me.
Oh, wow. I didn`t even know you had one.
Lucifer I feel like I am all alone in this world.
Oh yeah it do be feeling like that after a break up, it will pass.
Lucifer I will never fall in love ever again.
We will see about that.
Lucifer My heart is bleeding, have to stop this feeling.
How poetic.
Lucifer How poetic you say? My pain is poetic to you? Somewhat of an entertainment?
Did you try writing a poem about it?
Lucifer A poem?
About being heartbroken.
Lucifer Two or three.
Well than maybe she might not be as gone as you think she is. Just because you don`t see her, don`t mean she`s not right there next to you.
Lucifer Like God.
That`s the spirit.
The captain Go to bed Chiara, it`s time now.
Good afternoon my friends. Lucifer how`s work?
Lucifer Busy, very busy, end of the year stress.
How is the broken heart?
Lucifer Oh thanks for reminding me, I actually just had a second where I was not thinking about the sun in her eyes.
How poetic.
Lucifer Fuck you.
Captain Oh cool it, little fella. We all not having a good day.
Why what’s up with you?
Captain I want to burst into flames.
Wow, what is going on you guys?
Captain Everything is so loud, and my head is burning.
Breathe Captain, deep in and out breaths.
Captain I can`t breathe I am not a real fucking human.
Oh, I see. Well, you are definitely having a panic attack and all I know to help with that is breathing or a hug. Would you like a hug, Captain?
Captain Yes actually a hug would make me feel a lot better.
Come here little fella. Hug it out.
We hug closely.
You feeling better there?
Captain sniffling A bit.
This year has been tough on all of us. Next year will be better.
Captain You at the airport?
Yes.
Lucifer How you feeling?
I am ready now.
Captain For what?
The moment where it all makes sense.
Captain Still waiting for the shoe to drop hm?
Yep. You want a burger?
Captain There is a big surprise coming up for you at home. Someone has been preparing something for you.
Oh, I am excited.
Lucifer I can't do Burgers you guys.
What are you up to?
Lucifer I`m gonna go get my girl back. Looking at me with crazy big eyes I need passion, desperately.
You go girl.
Lucifer flexing his muscles YEAHHHHHHhhhhAAAAAAAAAA running away while screaming
What a weirdo.
Captain That's how you know it's love.
Let`s get a burger, actually I am starving.
Wednesday, the 4th of December 2024
The world has changed. People stopped thinking in boxes.
Captain What?
Did you read the comments on Instagram lately? The people have changed we rise up, the world is different. The collective mind changed.
Captain So would you say that Blueberry Pancakes are your favorite?
There is something different in their eyes and in their hearts, people have chosen love it is the dawning, the sun is going down. Captain everything is going to be okay! Manifestations are gonna come in left and right because the energies can flow free now.
Captain Are you excited for the Comic Con?
And in the city there is a new smell of cinnamon and I swear it is vanilla, it smells like vanilla do you know what that means? Excited jumping up and down IT SMELLS LIKE VANILLA CAPTAIN! Vanilla.
Captain Did you have some water today?
Yes of course.
Captain Good, very well.
Captain, why are you being weird about this?
Captain mumbeling About what?
About the revolution Captain.
Captain Not yet Chiara, shut the fuck up.
What?
Lucifer The fight club, we don`t talk about the fight club.
Oh. Realizing ohhhh… Sooo my b is not working right, I have to hammer it down in my macbook.
Captain How interesting, tell me more.
Whenever I type b I hammer it down, so know that when I write Blueberry Pancakes or By buying betaversioned Bobcats bullying bored baboons by Blackberry Avenue bitting Banana blue Bottoms biting blue Bananas I sure am hammering my keyboard with it.
Captain I am impressed.
We sit in a bar right by the harbor. I wanted to get a coffee, since I didn`t have breakfast yet and it was 4 pm, but the woman next to me convinced me to get an Espresso Martini. Which also works as a morning coffee. The vodka warmed my heart up. The bar is next to the north end, wooden walls. I sit alone at the bar with another woman one empty chair to the left, another woman walks in and sits in the back to eat alone. We all smile at each other, we all communicate with our outside, yet we are alone. I doodle in my notebook and think. The captain appears next to me.
Captain, what is this life?
Captain A three dimensional experience, moving into a four dimensional world.
What is the forth dimension?
Captain Your third eye, your spiritual intuition. Everything you can't see, hear, taste or smell.
Everything I can feel?
Captain Everything you can observe. It's about having fun in the end.
The barkeeper looking at me with wide eyes Are you okay honey?
Yes! I say and take a sip of my drink I`m talking to myself in public again. People think I`m crazy.
Shams Would you rather have them think you are crazy or lonely? Or would you like them to think you are funny? Or would you like them to think you are kindhearted?
What are you telling me?
Shams What you want them to think and what they actually think differs, the truth is they do not think about you and if they do, they think about their connection between you and them, so ultimately they are thinking about themselves again.
Boats roam in and out, it is heavily raining outside. Everyone who comes inside sighs in relaxation. I am progressively getting more and more drunk; my heart gets warmer and warmer. Noodles, don`t noodles I think. Should I go home early, work off my debts or stay? Noodles, don`t noodles. When I am angry, I am in the past, so I breathe. When I am anxious, I am in the future, so I breathe. And when I breathe, I stay in reality and when I stay in reality I can see the rain, I can see the flowers, I can smell the vanilla. When it rains, I develop a certain sense of nostalgia. I get a little bit sad not in a bad way, rain just makes me sad.
Shams Call me when you have any questions about God, this is boring me.
I should have more questions about God. I have none, that makes me feel guilty.
Shams Why?
I have the most questions toward themes I think about a lot, I have been thinking about god for years and years on end, yet I have no questions I haven`t already awnsered myself.
Shams What occupies your mind is what wonders your mind and what wonders your mind is what drives it.
Yes.
Shams What are your awnsers?
The answer to all is the same. Where is God? Right in here I point to my heart Right in there I point to my neighbors heart, sipping my drink But who is god? The people ask me. Everything, I say. The source of it all. But who does god look like? For me God looks like a gigantic naked woman, high and dancing, not very caring of anything at all, the most gracious and forgiving being in the world, because she doesn’t really care about anything, she is pure creation, pure love, pure magic, pure witchcraft. Sometimes it is hard for her to understand the real life, she gets driven in the heavens and all creations at times. The devil is the exact opposite, logical, not high enough, thinks too much so he believes all men are evil.
Shams Your god is a woman?
Your god is a man?
Shams My god has no gender.
God is always male until someone titles god as female, suddenly she has no more gender.
Shams Fair. But this god might only apply to you.
How about God is a woman and the devil is a man?
The captain Why don`t you guys just ask god? The awnser is really simple.
Not now captain, we are in the middle of a debate.
Shams What is the devil in this context?
A man.
Shams So all evil is created by men.
Well. I point to a newspaper next to me, a gigantic picture of Donald Trump on it. I nod to a TV, showing war and soldiers, I think of the current rape and crime statistic, domestic abuse cases…
Lucifer So all men are evil?
What if we read deeper than man and woman?
Shams Now she will recite me, my dear friends. From the book 40 rules of love written from my friend Elif Shafak.
When we speak of men we speak of human. When we speak of woman we speak of human, genders only exist in a 3 Dimensional world, they only exist on the outside. If we go deeper, there is no such thing as borders, everything is the same. We see that we all hold male and female energy in 50% each inside of us, every human is complete such as they are born and whatever we express our gender as is our decision to make. The world should hold the freedom to model your body the way that you want it as, since the way you express yourself is God speaking to you.
The Captain You didn`t say that, Shams!
Shams I did.
Woman next to me Would you mind watching my stuff while I go to the bathroom?
Sure, no problem!
I turn towards her chair and watch her stuff like a hawk. Behind the chair there is football on. That shit looks painful, impressive, but painful.
Lucifer You could just take 10$ out of her bag, she wouldn’t know.
I could offer her to read her Tarot, she would give me 10$ for the reading.
Lucifer Or you just steal it? Listen to my ideas and you will be rich tomorrow.
But I will also sell my soul to evil so how about waiting a bit longer. Lucifer, did you tell me to jump in the ocean before?
Lucifer That would have been a big plot twist.
That would have been a big plot twist.
Woman that was next to me but went to the bathroom and left her bag supervised with me comes back. What are you writing there?
Oh, just some poems, stuff.
Woman that was next to me but, oh come on you get it you know her Do you write other stuff too?
Yes, I write like books and stuff, you should check it out.
Let`s walk up this street, I like this street.
I drag a soul behind me, we walk up a street with pretty flowers growing on it, a back ally I really enjoy going through. It is raining and extremely cold, I am shivering while walking. Noodles don`t noodles…
There is a church coming up, maybe we can take shelter there!
They smile at me, they are a really nice soul very supportive, guided me in a church the other day while there was a public praying. The pastor said some stuff that pushed me straight into a spiritual crisis, after it I walked around town for two hours looking for the awnser.
The soul Do you know that you notoriously spell answer wrong, your grammar makes me crazy when I read your blog.
If awnser wants to be spelled wrong, I shall let it.
The soul You are something else.
I pull on the doors of the church, they are all closed.
I walk up an alleyway, past another church to the left, inside a gift shop to buy a snow globe.
You think she will like this Lucifer?
Lucifer But of course she will.
I pay and leave the store again, it´s still raining like shit fuck, my mind is racing, I haven’t smoked in weeks, weed is fucking expensive. “Balancing is an act, not a motion. In addition to that balancing is something that is happening naturally” The words of my therapist hall in my mind.
Lucifer The truth is both are both- The devil is male and female and god too. How we present us to you is more about how you see the world then how it actually is. Your minds are too tiny to understand the concept of oneness.
Okay that makes sense.
Hoold up. They don’t love you like I love you.
In eager motivation to scribble down, my wicked interesting weekend, my mind empties. What was I doing again? What was the name of her? What did I buy, how, what? What happened with that sweet cowboy, and hold on, did I find Spok?
Music blasts on my ears. Hold up, they don´t love you like I love you.
Captain You think it might be time to go home, it seems like you have done it all now.
On the 12th.
Captain How you feeling?
Bored, Angry, Happy.
Captain What are you angry about?
My stupid fucking neighbor woke me up, talking at 6 am and I wanna punch him in the face. It`s 6 am. Shut the fuck up.
Captain Not very much of a morning person, I assume.
Not very much of a likes being woken up with loud noises and stress type of person. I match my vibe to my surroundings, if they are stressed, I am stressed.
Captain Sounds like you should work on your own sense of security. How about you react the way you want, instead of matching to your surroundings. They have their own problems to solve and needs that need to be fulfilled.
True.
Noodles Captain.
Captain Noodles?
Noodles.
Wednesday, the 27th November 2024
I cannot wait to be in Boston, I cannot wait, I cannot wait I am so excited.
Captain What is it about that place you like so much?
Can I introduce you to the party plan of the world?
Captain The party plan?
The plan for the week once I am president. It`s in the happenings, you know.
Captain Okay, go ahead.
On Monday, we meet for Margheritas and gossip.
Captain Okay, sure.
On Tuesday, we eat pizza and drink beer, get a little drunk to celebrate the survival of the first two days of the week.
Captain And on Wednesdays?
On Wednesdays we wear pink and go to theunfortuateeventsofchiara.com to read.
Captain Of course.
Lucifer from the back Hey Chiara? Did my friend come and talk to you?
Me ignoring him, knowing full well, that his friend (Asmodeus, the god of lust) did come and talk to me, trying to work things out, it was a really weird conversation
On Thursday, we drink wine, reflect and pray.
Captain Sounds good.
On Fridays, we go dancing, of course. On Saturday, we seek adventure. Sunday, we watch my YouTube Video and have a feast all together, everyone is invited.
Lucifer Am I also invited?
Rolling my eyes
Lucifer I mean, if you say everyone is invited, I surely must be included, right?
Lucifer, could you just give me some time to transform the wound into a scar? Then I will think about letting you back in my life again.
Lucifer You do know that you overreacted a bit you didn`t have to throw me out of your life like I meant nothing to you. It`s cold here on the other side.
Didn`t realize how warming my energy is, hm?
Lucifer Can I please come back, please, please, pretty please???
Give me some time for fucks sake, I will get back to you.
Lucifer Can I be invited to the cookout? I will bring you some flowers or you want something else? A soul of a rabbit? I got one on hold right now.
You can come to the cookout if you bring dessert.
Lucifer What kind of dessert?
I don`t care, but it better be a good one.
Lucifer A cookie?
Sure.
Lucifer with bright eyes A cookie of peace?
Sure whatever.
Lucifer thinking out loud Cookie of peace, where do I find a cookie of peace? What even is a cookie of peace?
Captain whispering in his ears Bring her, her favorite cookie, surely, she will forgive you everything when she has her favorite cookie in her hands.
Lucifer angry How the fuck am I supposed to know what her favorite cookie is?
Captain I know what her favorite cookie is.
Lucifer Well, then tell me.
Captain She yaps about it all the time.
Lucifer Tell me! I am so cold since she left, don`t you see how I shiver Captain? shivering
Captain If you don`t even know what her favorite cookie is it`s better if you stay away.
Lucifer Why?
Captain If she didn`t even share the most basic ass information about herself with you, you didn`t create much of a safe space for her .
Lucifer So I am the bad guy? Everything is my fault, and she is a literal angel?
Captain Well, I am sure you will remember what her favorite cookie is when you use those little brain cells of yours. Now go, shoo, shoo the adults are talking.
Lucifer leaving You guys are getting on my nerves.
Captain Chiara this vape is making you look like an air diffusor.
It tastes like Kiwi.
Captain You happy now?
So happy.
The events have been straight up successful, I have something to work towards. Of course it has been exhausting too, chasing my dreams around the USA waiting for them to start chasing me. Yet things have to be figured out piece by piece. I got into the habit of lying to people to protect myself and I stopped correcting them when they say my name wrong. Sure, call me Dana, there is a reason why you were not supposed to have access to my real name.
My back pain has dissolved after leaving some amethyst on my back for two hours and my cough is productive.
Captain What is a productive cough?
You don`t wanna know.
Captain Could you stop spending your money like it`s not yours Chiara?
It was one dress, and it was reduced to 5$ but yes you are right Captain; I have to change my spending habits.
Captain That was surprisingly easy.
A starving artist, not really the first time that finds its way to the USA.
Lucifer Is it Oreo?
No, that is my favorite ice cream sandwich. Keep on thinking Lucifer, you will get there.
Captain Chiara, stop for a second. You don`t feel safe right now.
No, but I don`t know why.
Captain Cause you are taking a leap of faith and you are doing a great job with it too.
I feel like there are many ways to my goal and I chose the dumbest one.
Captain You chose the one that involved the most running, that`s not dumb, you collected various experiences and have great stories to tell.
Lucifer Macadamia and chocolate chips?
Close, but not a cigar Lucifer, keep on looking.
Lucifer Coconut sprinkles?
What is wrong with that guy?
Captain You are our little angel, you know that?
Something strange is happening Captain.
Captain Don`t be so anxious.
The world is changing Captain, weird things are going on. I can feel it, I can see it.
Captain Take a breather.
There is something new in their eyes. They are aware. Suddenly the people seem awake, I can hear their thoughts.
Captain I will add therapy to your To- Do list.
It`s new thoughts, they are different. The world is vibrating, we have changed, what is going on Captain?
Captain In an attempt to get you on some happy thoughts and out of interest, what is your love language?
Words of affection, gifts, cuddling, oh how much I love cuddling. Like is there anything better in this entire world, than someone you love holding you really, really tight with their full strength? That`s the shit, just 10/10, calms my anxiety. Oh, and dancing, is dancing a love language? Definitely quality time is my love language. Oh, also acts of service, I love feeding them. When I love someone, I feed them. Being well fed is a sign of being loved. Also, when I love someone, I want the entire world to know, I want to scream it of the rooftops, I don`t like it when I have to keep my love a secret.
Captain Okay, hold on, so your love language is just all of the love languages?
Captain Sounds like you love hard.
I love so hard it kills them.
Captain Kills them or changes them?
Same, same.
Lucifer Oatmeal raisins?
Lucifer, what the fuck? Who likes that?
Lucifer protesting You do love the Ikea oatmeal cookies with the chocolate coating!
But that is cause it`s fucking chocolate, what type of a psychopath like raisins in their cookies?
Who is gonna tell him, that I have no favorite cookie, I love them all (except for cookies with raisins, that shit is straight up illegal and thereby a war declaration).
You know Captain, I think I should have stayed in the Banana Bungalow, Mary was right, I didn`t want to leave.
Captain You left because it started feeling like home.
Which is random cause it is a hostel, but it is the people there that turned it into a home, I want to be there for New Years Eve.
Captain It is you that turned it into a home.
How do I stop being scared of pain?
Captain mocking me You turn the fear into courage and transform into a lion.
I do say some stupid shit when I am unsupervised.
Captain Don`t worry so much Chiara, everything will be okay.
Good morning, Captain.
Captain Good morning, Chiara. How is life?
Pretty good, pretty good. I got a little fat; do you know that?
Captain Is that a bad thing?
Not really, it means I am well fed and thereby it means that I am loved. Oh, how loved I am right now.
Captain While I do agree that you are very loved right now, you have been pouring love into yourself and did great work with that, you did not get fat. I can see your hipbones sticking out.
Must be all the beer.
Lucifer Salted peanut butter and caramel pieces?
Lucifer, please, stop asking me a million questions.
Lucifer I will be waiting for you in the sunset.
Oh, fuck you.
Lucifer I want to help you Chiara!
I don`t need help, you are just trying to trick me to come back to you. You want something from me, you want my energy.
Lucifer And in exchange for your good energy, I will protect you from everything evil in this world.
I can protect myself very well from mocking him everything evil in this world.
Lucifer I will bring you your favorite cookie every day!
Really? What is my favorite cookie?
Lucifer I love you Chiara.
Sure, of course you do.
Lucifer What can I do to get back into your life?
Easy, stop taking my good energy. Produce your own good energy. It`s not that hard, really, just raise your vibration bro. And stop seeing me as something that has to be beneficial for you. What if I am low on energy? Will you give me some of yours? What if you can`t protect me from evil, should we part ways again? What if we stop seeing the benefit in each other and focus on a respectful, loving environment to create a powerful team. It`s such a male thing to constantly rate everything around you and try to either steal something from them or overpower them with something. This hierarchical thinking is doing no good for your heart or your energy. Life is a dance, not a game.
Lucifer What if I can`t dance?
You practice. Some people naturally know how to dance, and some people have to learn it.
Lucifer What if even after practice I still fall all the time?
You change the shoes, maybe they are making you fall.
Lucifer What if I still loose the rhythm?
You change the music.
Lucifer And how do I know I found the right person to dance with? How do I know I can trust them, close my eyes and rest in their arms?
When you know, you know.
Captain, what if nothing happens What if my manifestations don`t come in and I don`t become rich and famous?
Captain What if everything happens?
How do I know everything will happen? I gotta be going home soon, I can`t tell them, I failed. I can`t, I just can`t.
Captain You can`t possibly fail.
Lucifer I got you a cookie.
What type of cookie?
Lucifer My favorite, Salted Caramel.
I like Salted Caramel.
Lucifer Can I say sorry one more time?
It`s okay, that night opened my eyes to many things in my life that needed my attention.
Lucifer I will protect you forever from now on, I promise Chiara, I will never leave you alone again.
I am not sure if that is a good thing or a bad thing.
Lucifer Should I leave again?
No please, everyone stay. Give me a hug you two.
Both We love you Chiara.
I love you too.
Yet another time I sit at the airport. The San Francisco adventure lies behind me. I didn`t see the golden gate bridge, but I did find the missing part of my soul, I do feel complete. Quite cool hm?
I do feel changed too and I am sorry that I am not sharing the crazy stories with you here, only my take on how to fix these social issues, I am having trouble remembering it all. Lately I have been working on four projects at the same time but somehow I don`t even know what they are. Yet, I have figured out what I have to do is to go out there and talk to as many people as I can. In just a two minute conversation, I can change their entire life.
Boston feels like coming home, I don`t know why but it does. I will spend three weeks there and so fast it already is November and so fast this year is almost over. It`s almost New Year’s Eve, how are you guys on your new year’s resolutions?
I have checked some things off my list, beginning of the year I would not have thought that this year I will have 4 different relationships, 8 depressive episodes, moved apartments 5 times, switched countries 3 times, was one step away from moving to a monastery 67 times, quit 4 jobs, started 5 new jobs, wrote and published a total of 6 books, had 5 different dating rosters which simultaneously crashed and burned once I went on a second date with a suspiciously good looking curly haired man who shall not be named. I also switched continents 4 times, laughed more than my stomach could hold, broke multiple of my own records and to my own surprise none of the above has been a lie.
Boarding group 4, here we go baby, Boston I cannot wait, I can literally not wait.
Captain Have a good flight Chiara.
I have arrived. It`s all happening.
Captain What is happening?
Everything.
Uh today was an awful fucking day.
Captain I`m sorry didn’t know how to tell you.
I feel so fucking empty.
Captain This feeling of emptiness might just be a good thing.
Really, how is that?
Lucifer When you are empty, there is more space for God.
Oh, no am I gonna turn into one of those super religious people, that want to talk about god all the time?
Captain You tell me, you go to the church every day.
Look you guys, I don`t have anything to eat right now, could I interest you in a cigarette?
Lucifer Sure, whatever man.
Wednesday, the 20th of November 2024
I was way too kind to people I should have been mean to.
“Chiara, Chiara” I hear below the window of my hostel. “Do you think I will let a woman decide what I will do, witch!” Their words haling through my broken window.
“Burn her. Witch! Burn her!”
It seems like I have upset the towns people.
I get back in my bed, my head hurts, my bones are cold. Turns out the city of Angels has more demons than angels.
The outside is already very loud but now my brain starts hammering too “Do you hear what you are saying Chiara? You are crazy, you should kill yourself.” A deep, scary voice in my brain, louder than the other voices. I look around the room, shadows are dancing. Fear spreading in my chest, I have to think of Valentina. This is what she must have felt like when the demon possessed her.
What the fuck am I even talking about? Demon possessions? I am crazy, God help me. “No one will help you, you are alone, alone, lost, alone, not even your mom wants to help you, you are lost, everybody hates you, you should die, die, die.” The deep voice again. Oh fuck. I look at my hands to get some reality. Time seems to decipher, my mind jumps up and down, memories of me being a bad person come up. Guilt, all that guilt, I remember now, it was all my fault. What the fuck was in that Joint?
“Did you take something, you seem off, kind of jumpy.” I shake my head; everything is normal this is just the demons trying to take power of my soul. Breathe Chiara, breathe, it is gonna be over soon, you are stronger than them. “You are a failure, no one will help you with this, we know everything about you, we will bring you down.” I will persist until I succeed, if it`s the last thing I will do. “Witch, burn her!” Nervously trembling up and down my hostel room I walk around. Through the thin walls I can hear the receptionist gossiping about me. “I don`t know why she calls herself the unfortunate events of Chiara, but I tell you she is definitely homeless.” A loud car drives by my hostel window. They scream my name. Am I hallucinating or is this real? My breathe turns fast, maybe I shouldn’t have cursed that gypsy boy who refused to pay me. “I will kill you tonight” A loud bang outside, followed by panic striking through my body, everything is screaming my name, my legs shake, I need to get out of here, this does not feel good right now, I pack up and leave, book an uber, a hotel and check out, talking about my fight or flight reflexes.
Getting out of the uber I feel unreal, this hotel is fancy and way too expensive for me. I take a deep breathe, everything is fine. At 10pm I call my mom and take a shower, I am okay, it was just panic.
Captain Chiara? Are you doing well?
Now I am.
Lucifer Did you make it through the night?
Yep.
Lucifer Why did you run away? You wanted to play with us. Play.
You weren’t playing, you were attacking me, you felt threatened by your friend. Just because I actually changed people with my readings.
Lucifer You didn`t. Their darkness is so implemented in their life, they can`t escape it. They can`t escape me.
Why would you attack me, if nothing I did made an actual difference?
Lucifer For fun?
You attack your friends for fun?
Lucifer We are not friends.
We were friends two weeks ago, when you needed someone to listen to you vent, we were friends one week ago when you wanted your voice to be heard, we were friends when you wanted me to hold your hand while walking through a scary forest.
Lucifer That was different.
How?
Lucifer I needed something from you.
You know what Lucifer, I don`t argue with stubbornness and pride, there is no point in it, you need some self reflection boy. Look, you want to stay this toxic, self centered way, fine. I don't give a shit anymore, you can do whatever the fuck you want, but do it somewhere else.
Lucifer What do you mean?
That you don`t belong in my life anymore. You have been triggering me a lot lately, you take my sleep, keep me up at night, occupy my brain space and keep me tethered to an old version of me, a version of me I have out grown. My body just cannot stand you right now. Take everything with you, keep the presents, actually you can throw them away they don`t mean nothing anymore.
Lucifer Chiara, wait, I was just making fun. I`m sorry.
Your fun is boring to me. I don't know why my pain is for your amusement.
He leaves my left shoulder. The Captain immediately takes up the empty space Lucifer has left.
Captain You hungry?
Not very.
Captain You good?
Not very.
Captain You need a little hug? Some love?
I`m okay, it`s just. This all doesn`t make sense. I should go home and give up. Be a nurse again and never touch any art ever again.
Captain Don`t listen to the demons, keep the faith. And besides I will not let you do that. You had a long day. Take a rest before your body forces you to rest.
I cannot afford to rest, too expensive, I spend too much money, I should just give up.
Captain You don´t know how expensive giving up is. You want to pay with your life? You rather want to lose your passion, your power, your strength, your talent or you want to lose some money, you can make back?
I have given my e-mail address and phone number to fucking strangers.
Captain Demons can be tricky. You gotta be smart, they manipulate your cards. When it`s hard for you to read someone, it is because they are a demon. You can read humans with ease. But if it helps you, you are their biggest nightmare, you have nothing to hide, you don`t even have something worth stealing. All you have is a bunch of love and for them love is disgusting, love is something that makes them ick, curl their toenails back. You are stronger than them.
Well, if I learned one thing from video games, it is, that if you encounter enemies; you are on the right way.
Captain That`s the spirit.
I have been without my family and friends for a while now, which at times spikes my anxiety at a high. I have to constantly adapt to the situations being thrown at me. Which makes me feel excited on one side and scared on the other side, a feeling I like to call freedom.
Being free doesn’t mean being lonely, it just means that you can run as fast and as far as you want, no one will stop you, quite the opposite even, they will celebrate you. Since one thing about freedom will always be true: everyone wants it, but only the luckiest once of us can have it. What kind of world is it that we live in in which freedom is connected to luck and privilege?
Captain I wonder about that all the time.
Tomorrow I will leave LA.
Captain Are you happy about it?
Oh, so much, it`s time to leave, my fingers are itching.
Captain You will love San Francisco.
I wish I had someone with me, so we could go to Jazz Bars and speakeasys together.
Captain You will find someone wherever you go.
Once again, I sit at the airport. I decided against the bus, a 7 hour bus ride just seemed too much compared to a 1 hour flight. It`s just simply more practical and safer, considering the fact that Americans drive like maniacs.
Captain How high are you?
About 5 10.
Captain How you feel?
My stomach is warm, my throat hurts, my ears too.
Captain What?
I learned something new about myself. Opposing to what I have thought the last years, I am not a verbal processor.
Captain What type of processor are you C3 P-O?
I process my emotions through my body.
Captain Allrighty then.
An hour later I land in San Francisco. Music is all over town, I am impressed by this city build inside of the mountains. Yet when I was pulling my suitcase up the mountain, I wonder why the fuck this city was build up in the mountains and why those fucking tourists (while being a tourist myself) take up all the space in the cable car. I find myself surprised about my Airbnb being in the middle of the city, right in the heart. I feel comfortable, happy to get out of LA, some part of me thought Lucifer wasn`t gonna let me go.
Captain, will I ever find love?
Captain You have found love many, many times. What more do you want?
Who am I?
Captain Only you can answer that question.
How much I hate it when I have to answer my own questions.
After a quick stroll around my new apartment for the week I leave the house and look at the city. Thinking my main quest in San Francisco is to look at the city, when a voice arises in my head. It`s the voice of a woman, my higher self.
Chiara in 10 years Your main quest here is to find yourself.
Did I die here?
Chiara in 10 years Your soul is spread around the world, you lost many parts of it. Why do you think we sent you where you are going?
I thought I am doing this to avoid growing up? Like a long term student, you know? Just with traveling, cause it`s cheaper.
Chiara in 10 years nodding her head Right.
How will I know I found the missing part of my soul?
Chiara in 10 years When you feel so happy, your chest might explode.
When I feel so happy, my chest might explode. I repeat So, when I feel complete?
Chiara in 10 years Exactly.
Monday, oh Monday. If I want something, I have to ask for it. Prayer in the morning, in the evening and in the afternoon, fasting and washing my hands, my face, my body before meditation. Dancing in the shower, walking through the rain.
This oat milk tastes off.
Captain What?
The oat milk, in my coffee, it tastes off.
Captain Maybe it is off.
The lady in the coffee shop said she opened the milk this morning.
Captain So what is the issue?
Even though she seemed pretty trust worthy, I am not sure if I can trust her.
Captain Okay, so it’s a two way street, right?
You see, I once had a coffee with bad oat milk and it was horrible, like bad, really bad. My stomach hurt for two days, I couldn’t eat, I was vomiting, all the disgusting stuff okay, all of it.
Captain Why are you telling me this?
Stay with me Captain. Now, whenever I order coffee with oat milk and it tastes a little bit like the bad milk, I can’t drink it with a calm mind. It upsets my fight or flight mode.
Captain Oh, I get it this is an anecdote.
It is. It is an anecdote for my healing journey. One bad experience with relationships and I never opened up ever again assuming it is the same story, again and again. Throwing away the coffee before I even tasted it, listening to the fear rather than the love in their eyes I would sabotage every good person coming my way, because the pain was so horrible, I felt the need to protect myself from it. But that is because my subconscious mind connected fear with flight. So instead of facing the music and trusting my intuition I would run away or push them away just because I felt triggered and didn`t understand how important it was for me to be triggered. I needed the trigger so I can let it go. I can allow the love to transform the fear into courage, reprogramming my subconscious mind by teaching it that when fear comes up, we become more courageous, more stable, more in tune with our breath, more safe. Reassuring my entire body, that whatever happens, it cannot shake or destroy my essence. No demons, no enemies, no weapons, no heartbreak can take away the strength and power of my heart, my soul, nothing can break my soul or take me off the way of my souls purpose. drama builds up in my voice to soon find a peak Turning from a horse into a lion, I will slay my enemies with ease and create a healthy relationship with a smile in my face and pride in my heart. imagine me standing on a pedestal holding a lance with a gold cape waving in the wind behind me wearing a warrior armor, like Caesar.
Captain Okay, miss I run to a fancy hotel, cause scary demons are around me. Are you gonna drink the coffee, or no?
If I get diarrhea from it, I will curse her.
Captain Be careful with those curses now that you and Lucifer are no friends anymore you will have to protect yourself from the rebound.
What does that mean?
Captain Whatever energy you put out comes back threefold. You curse someone, you curse a part of yourself. Lucifer took the rebound until but now you are on your own kid.
So, it means, I should stop cursing people, talk about what makes me angry, talk about my needs, my fears, my wishes, my feelings, ask for what I want clearly and openly and do something about it in my own time on my own terms?
Captain You got it.
Oh man, that sounds awful. I am not a big talker.
Captain I thought you were?
We talked about this before, I am not a verbal processor. I feel my feelings in my body, in the past I have overanalyzed them.
Captain Overanalyzed them?
I gave them boxes and meanings, assigned reasons why they were happening, instead of just having them.
Captain And why is that?
Inteleculizing my feelings gave me a the illusion that I have control over them.
Captain Why would you want to control your feelings?
So they cannot overtake me at any given moment and I can stay calm, cool and collected at all times.
Captain Why would you want to be calm, cool and collected at all times? Why don't you just say `okay so my stomach hurts when you do that, that means it hurts me and we gotta talk about a different approach towards it.`
Captain, why was I so insecure all these years?
Captain Did you do the core belief guided meditation I told you about?
Jup.
Captain Did you have a good cry after it and finally let go?
Oui.
Captain You were insecure, because your own core beliefs about yourself, made you insecure. Did you end up drinking the coffee?
I did.
Captain Did you get food poisoning from it?
Did not.
Captain Well, who would have thought, that sometimes good things do not come to an end.
What?
Captain Well, you get it, you know, some good things stay. Sometimes people actually wait for us to get better, sometimes things do work out, sometimes the best case scenario does happen. Sometimes when the goodbye was horrible, the hallo is gonna be great.
I don't even know what you are talking about but Amen to it. Uh, by the way Captain I have this horrendous back pain since like two days or something.
Captain Did you think of asking a doctor?
I asked a Captain.
Captain And what did they say?
To ask a doctor.
Captain Go to a doctor Chiara.
It`s just a muscle thing, tomorrow I will go, I promise.
the next day
Captain Did you go to a doctor?
Of course not. I am suffering in silence, like a real man.
Captain You are being ridiculous.
Do you want some chicken noodle soup?
Captain When do you think are you gonna make it out of your bed?
Tomorrow.
Captain I`m a little worried about you.
I am fine, very fine actually, I have literally never been better, times have been so lucky, so many great opportunities come flying at me. My body is just signaling me to take a rest and I shall listen to my body. Don`t worry so much. Do you want some soup now or not?
Captain Hell yeah, I want some soup, what`s in it?
Pasta, mushrooms, chicken, ginger, Broccoli, Tomatoes and olive oil.
Captain Thank you no, that sounds disgusting actually.
So this message is for my mom only actually so if your not my mom, keep on doing what you were doing:
Mach dir keine Sorgen Mama, ich hab nur schon wieder mein Handy ausgemacht, bitte ruf nicht die Hubschrauber. Schick mir gerne tausend Bilder, ich antworte sobald ich kann und wenn ihr alle (ich weiss, das liest nicht nur meine Mama) wissen wollt was ich so mache, lest halt meine Kolumne jeden Mittwoch und schaut jeden Sonntag meine YouTube Videos, das ist schon einiges an aktuellen updates da und ich geb mir echt krass mühe mit den videos. Wenn ihr so freundlich sein könntet und mir auch auf Youtube folgen würdet, sowie die Videos liken könntet im Namen der Reichweitenvergrößerung, wäre ich euch echt krass verbunden. Fühlt euch gedrückt, Liebe geht raus, macht euch ne Suppe hab gehört Deutschland ist sau kalt grade aber ganz ehrlich, San Francisco auch, ich friere brr.
Wednesday, the thirteenth November 2024
I wish you guys could see through my eyes; you would laugh heaps more.
Introducing Irish accent guy, he has been trying to flirt with Zoë for some time, but unfortunately for him, I was involved in the conversation, and he don`t like my feminist ass. As he realized that this is not going to happen, he exclaims loudly in a very strong Irish accent: Oh, shit mei noodles
He gets up hastingly and with this the Irish accent guy, Irish existed. He was never to be seen again.
Goodbye Irish guy.
We sit in a circle on the floor, smoke weed and enjoy the life. It`s Tuesday, it`s the 12th 11.
Mary The stop giving a shit is supposed to be wonderful and strong. Faith is the size of a mustard seed, and it can change.
Amen we say and raise our hands in prayer.
Mary You see when you detach yourself from the outcome, you can take power in taking a rest. You can be strong within who you are, because you are not attached to the outcome and thereby are free of the duty to be some specific type of way.
The conversation changed and we started talking about Paolo santo and protecting your energy.
Zoë It is such an amazing thing, because it gives me the power to feel well, and it is like a trick to my brain, so I feel safer. I can help myself with this, as simple as this. She holds up the Paolo Santo.
Dominik It`s not just a trick for your brain. There was this girl in my hometown who died in a crash, and we moved in the streets where she lived at the end of the street. After some weeks, I was awakened every night by touch and screaming in the night. This girl was not let go by her mother and we had to release her spirit and after we cleansed, it was over. I was a non-believer before this, but now I believe and now my time has come to speak about what has happened. When I was a little child, I was brought into experiments and was not allowed back at home. After all these experiments they did on me I have finally healed and am ready to tell my story now.
He continues a story about experiments and the wildest stuff you ever could have heard. In passion towards my duty, I let his words decipher into nothing and face my computer. I can feel the captain next to me. He wants to talk.
Captain What is up Chiara? You seem sad.
I feel a change, Captain.
Captain Oh well.
I miss some people, Captain.
Captain Some people?
Not just people also my bed. My shower. My laundry machine. My full closet, my safe spaces.
Captain You can have all that right where you are.
I can?
Captain You can have everything you want.
Everything I want?
Captain Everything you want.
Everything?
Captain Everything.
Okay.
I nod my head looking into the sky. Thinking about what it is I really want. I gotta take a breath and reorder my mental cards. Do I want him back? Or maybe him? Do I want her? What do I want from a partner? What do I want from my Job? Do I want to be famous, or do I want to be loved? If I can have everything I want, what would it be?
If I can have everything I want, by the touch of my hands. What would it be?
I take a deep breath, with my heart in my mind I say:
I want a big house, with a pool and with light green tiles. A big entrance with white walls, one story Spanish style build. I want a lemon tree, and I want a terrace where I can sit and smoke and drink coffee. And a room with a black shiny piano and drums and a base and a guitar. I want weed plants and rosemary bushes; I want grapefruit trees in my big yard. I want good health and a gym in my house. I want a big room full of books, where I can write and a white lounge where I can paint with paint stains all over the floor. Sometimes I would strut around the lounge, look at my painting, faint in a dramatic gesture saying: “who painted this shit?” in an Italian accent. I want all my friends and my family to feel invited, so they can come over at any second. I want a big kitchen with a kitchen island and a big bed with princess curtains. A bathtub and I want a big dog who is Hepas best friend. I want a steady money income through my art, and I want to be loved, Captain.
Captain Love? You want a partner?
Yes. I want a partner who is my biggest fan, who comments under all my videos and loves my art, send me memes all the time. Someone who is who they are and someone who has been lonely, like me. A person who feels safe around me and who makes me feel safe and someone who is nice to me, treats me with compassion and kindness. We write songs together and poems. They have a pretty face one of those pretty faces that make my heart jump when I look at them. They shower me in flowers and love. I use their name in all my stories because it is the only name in the entire world, that I find more beautiful than my own. We do normal life stuff together like cleaning the windows, doing the dishes, sometimes we spend times alone, but we never like it. We prefer being with each more than being alone.
Captain You want a wedding? You want to get married?
Oh yes Captain, I want a wonderful wedding and four kids. I want to get married on a big white stone right by the ocean so the waves crash behind us. I made a friend who is a preacher, and I want her to marry us. I will look so beautiful in my dress, whoever I marry will cry thick tears when I enter and everyone else in the room too. In the evening, I will change into a white suit and dance my heart out. I have millions on my bank accounts, and I want to be famous, so wherever I go I am loved.
Captain How do you want to make the money?
I want an amazing, good working business with my books and my art and my spiritual work. On the side I employ young artists who have to escape the normal hamster wheel system because it physically kills them, like me. I want to make it easy, for everyone. Easy to be rich, easy to be famous, easy to travel the world, easy to have good health care. No more hustle culture, the age of aquarius has arrived. I want a hospital, that I own and that I can create how I want. Nurses as bosses and ridiculously high salaries for everyone. Houses with minimal tiny rent prices and I want an Island, where all my friends live tax free, and I want a hotel and a spiritual retreat and a magazine and multiple book series and galleries, a publishing company and I want a Jeep Wrangler in red and paint it with glitter. I want a big clothing line and runway shows.
Captain What do you want to experience as a rich, famous legend?
Oh, so much. I want to smoke weed with Snoop and I want to go dancing with Miley Cyrus. I want to walk the red carpet in an Armani suit and Jordans. I want to talk to Chris Evans about Marvel and the war propaganda in Captain America, and I want to ask Robert Downey Junior what he thinks about Palestine. And I want a Jam session with Arlo Parks. I want to train my biceps with Dwayne the Rock Johnson and eat Yoghurt with Terry Crews. I want to rob a bank and spread the money around the people and just to create some chaos I`ll set the other half on fire. I want to sail to Boa Vista and hug my friends there, I want free weed and free cookies, and I want my world to be free, free like me. I want a big plane, so I can visit my friends around the world whenever I want. I want a business partner who gives me good advises and I want my dog to be with me, right next to me wherever I go. That is what I want Captain.
Captain You will get all of that.
Nice.
The day passed by. Zoë and I spread flyers around town “Let the dogs wear wigs” we scream.
Zoë I heard this thing about grief being the currency of love. So, whenever you love someone and it ends, you pay with grief. And it`s so true because when you lose the person, you love the most indefinitely, you can actually die.
I had to lean back for a second. Let it sink in your mind.
Grief is the currency of love.
In order to love, you pay with your heart. Your entire being and once the love is gone, your life will never be the same anymore, there will always be an empty space right there where the love was.
Zoë May our hearts always be full.
Amen we say and raise our hands for prayer.
Now I sit in the lobby of the hostel, I already checked out and am waiting to check in the new hostel.
I let my mind wander; I met the most incredible people here. There was a home here for a second. I stop and breathe. Home has been inside of me all this time; my energy is homebuilding. Wherever I am, there is a home there is love. My mind has been silent, so silent it is more than wonderful. I cut the anchor off and am Sailing to Venice on an orange bus that`s 1.75$ a ride, two buses actually. I never would have thought that I end up here, I never would have imagined I would be sitting on the street reading Tarot. I never would have thought, my silly little stories could have such an immense impact. God if I would have known, I would have been more careful with their hearts.
Lucifer No you wouldn`t.
I would have. I was harsh and brutal, too loud. I didn`t realize I was being heard.
Lucifer You weren`t. There was a reason, you were so loud.
In my headphones I hear the book of love, in my third eye I can see how I will listen to this song in the bus later and think of this moment, where I posted this column and sat here and wondered what will happen. And then I stop wondering and I just let it happen.
Lucifer Oh my god Chiara, could you be any more spiritual deep stuff today? You`re bringing the mood down.
Come on Lucifer, don´t be like that.
Lucifer You`re almost 30 Chiara, what you gonna do with your life?
I freaked out about that yesterday and googled when do I have to have my life figured out and google said 50, so I got time.
Lucifer And what you gonna do with all this time to your hands?
The same thing that I always do captain. I take over the world.
Lucifer Are you pinky or are you brain?
It`s the Donkey or Shrek discussion.
Lucifer Turk or JD.
Captain Kirk or Spok.
Captain I`m the Captain.
Actually, I am the Captain of this bitch, you two stay humble before I kick your ass.
Lucifer Excuse me Chiara, we are sensible beings.
Oh, cry me a river, this is the age of Aquarius times are tough, women up guys it is going down.
Lucifer shaking their head What does that even mean?
Mass spiritual awakenings, overflowing psych wards and high drug rates.
Captain Sounds awful.
You were the one to create it.
Lucifer Nah, you guys made this, we`re just here to witness.
So no one has a plan here?
Captain and Lucifer shaking their head. Nope.
Oh damn, the world is going down.
Lucifer Oh it so is.
Der König von Deutschland von Rio Reiser ballert in meinen Ohren. Ich bin noch lange nicht 50, Leben ist gut.
You guys I don`t know what to tell you, life has been treating me quite good and will be for a while. Rest in peace all that had to die for me to get here. Next week I will write you from San Francisco, then I will write you from Boston and at some point, I will write you from Stuttgart again. Sorry for the weird time shifts, it indeed is still Wednesday for me, 12:43 to be precise.
Read you next week, I love you, bye.
Like my writing style? Look at my bookstore.