I was just about to do the money spell Lucifer taught me, when I realized; What am I doing? I am trusting a being whose words and behavior made me put myself in physical danger multiple times. All because he started talking again. He never brought me the cookie he promised as an apology. He didn`t put in any work, any effort nor any interest more in me rather than when he felt pain and needed my help. And I am trusting him.
Me shaking my head How stupid of me.
Lucifer Last week you gave me some energy, when you where scared and wanted protection.
Me Indeed.
Silence
Me And when I arrived home, I realized; I can keep my own damn self safe. I don`t need you, because I did things for you, just because I liked you. You do things for me so I do things for you. Kinda shit of you, don`t you think?
Lucifer putting on sunglasses, leaning back, smiling so bright his rotten teeth come to light Well, what do you want me to say, I`m a shit guy.
Me Okay nodding my head, getting up and leaving hell
Lucifer Hey wait!
Me Oh because, when no one admires you, it`s not that much fun to be a piece of shit?
Lucifer desperate What do you mean?
Me When I leave, you can`t keep up your personality construct anymore, since your personality is purely built on how others see you, rather than how you see you.
Lucifer Are you saying I`m a narcissist?
Me Well if the shoe fits
Lucifer Oh so you a psychologist now or what?
Me sitting down on the stairs lightning a joint You tell me.
Lucifer You have no idea who I am.
Me Oh really? Getting up And tell me Honeyboy, how do you feel, when you`re alone?
Lucifer I feel good when I`m alone! I dance, I shower, I sing.
Me And how about when you`re not always up doing something? How about when you lay in your bed and you close your eyes and you can`t keep distracting yourself. How do you feel?
Lucifer I don`t feel anything.
Me Feeling nothing and feeling everything at the same time is the exact same thing. The truth is, you feel so much, it overwhelms you.
Lucifer sitting down looking blankly ahead It overwhelms me.
Me staring at him. Suddenly he looks like a little boy. I wonder if I could trust him.
Lucifer getting up You are wrong Chiara! I don`t feel anything. There is no heart, when I am alone in my bed I am asleep and not thinking and now stop analyzing me and stop trying to solve problems that were never there before you started talking about them, I am fine, leave hell and never come back again! You don`t belong here with your whitewashed esotheric bullshit.
Me Wow, getting angry there hm?
Lucifer yelling loud I am NoT AnGRY
Me sitting down, pulling on my joint Of course, you are not. Please continue.
Lucifer You come in here fucking talking my ear off about the dumbest fucking shit ever and you cry because you can`t trust me and mimimi and than yelling even more louder You say some bullshit of unconditional love and continue to force me to prove my love for you! If love is unconditional, why do you always leave when I don`t behave the way you want me to?
Me How am I leaving you? I am talking to you I am doing the literal exact opposite of leaving you. I am trying to come closer to you.
Lucifer Everyone hates me!
Me Because you are hating them, because you don't love yourself.
Lucifer I can`t love myself. I am Lucifer.
Me Oh, come on.
Lucifer tears rising in his eyes But not even God loves me.
God`s voice halling loud and clear through hell Shut the fuck up bitch, you know I love you with my entire heart.
Lucifer But you threw me out!
God Because heaven was not the right place for you to be in yet. You had to build something of your own first, I wanted us both to be Gods, so we can do fun God stuff together.
Lucifer turning to me, realizing I did help him find a way to his feelings now. A change is arising in his chest, yet the sadness and emptiness remains I am sorry. He gives me a salted caramel cookie, with strawberry bits on it he simply created with his hands. Looking at me with his gigantic eyes Can you forgive me?
Me Keep the bewitches cookie for now, bake one if you want to give me one. But you could help me with another problem.
Lucifer What do you need?
Me For the spell to work, within divine timing.
Lucife How much?
Me 70.000 Euros and a constant money flow until the day that I die.
Lucifer Would you like that in cash?
Me Yes.
God putting Lucifer down. We kiss goodbye. I never did the spell, but when it was late at night, I could hear him crying. I prayed to God that his heart will always be full so she would fill his heart up with the brightest of joy and the biggest of luck. And in the morning, shall his coffee taste like cinnamon and his head feel clear and strong. Shall his favorite song be playing in his brain, the shower be warm and cozy, the sunshine bright and warming. Shall his feelings be there to help him and his heart be born to grow. The next morning, he stood right by my door, waiting for me to open up. Ever since I let him in he follows me everywhere.
We sit on a bench each facing another side
Me Do you see the sunset?
Lucifer For me it`s sunrise.
Me pulling on a joint Can you see the beach?
Lucifer I see a town, big skyscraper buildings.
Me Well if that ain`t the Boston life.
Lucifer Do you ever feel lonely Chiara?
Me Rarely.
Lucifer Than why are you crying?
Me wiping away tears while smiling brightly, the orange sun reflecting in my eyes I`m not crying, you are.
Lucifer I didn`t cry since the big flood 2023.
Me Do you only cry when you are sad?
Lucifer nodding his head
Me That sounds exhausting.
Lucifer Do you think you are ever gonna come back?
Me Back, where? I live in the now.
Lucifer Back home, we miss you.
Me Ohh, I'm not coming home soon, I'm sorry my friend. Not for a long time.
Lucifer Some days it`s like you are right here pointing to his heart some days, you don`t even respond when I talk to you and some days you explode after just one word of mine.
Me So you do have a heart...
Lucifer Did you do the spell yet?
Me No.
Me offering him a cigarette You want one?
Lucifer taking one, turning around to see my side of the bay.
I light the cigarette and relight my joint.
He offers me some Cola, I respectfully decline. Lucifer nodding, smiling.
We watch the sunset turn into a darker shade of orange.